The “Valid” Excuse Trap
Between my blog, this newsletter, and the work in The Excuse Index, I spend a lot of time talking about the stories we tell ourselves that stall our life goals and dreams. I personally have struggled with the “I don’t have enough time” and “I’m too busy” when it comes to my health goals. However, those types of excuses don’t seem as bad because it’s one of those things that “we know we need to do,” but it’s not that important. While those are important, they aren't the ones that stall careers or kill projects.
The excuses that actually create delays in your professional ambitions are the ones rooted in fact.
Take confidence, for example. We’ve all had that internal voice tell us, "I’m not good enough for this job." Every time I’ve been promoted or taken a new role, I have definitely had this mindset. It’s a harsh, overly emotional response that usually feels like a brick wall. Now, our close friends and loved ones will shower us with positivity and tell us that the statement is 100% false.
While you are absolutely "good enough" as a person to hold that seat, there might be a grain of truth in your hesitation. Maybe you do need to level up a specific skill. Maybe you are missing a piece of the puzzle. In this way, there is an underlying fact fueling your lack of confidence.
The Fact vs. The Permission Slip
It is incredibly easy to list an excuse, or call it a “reason” if you need to, as a justification for not doing the thing you want. Let’s look at how that actually breaks down:
"I don't have enough time." (True. You're very busy with the things you’ve chosen to be part of.)
"We don't have the budget for this." (True. The numbers are lean due to your other prioritized commitments.)
"I don't have the authority to change this." (True. You have accepted a role where the boundaries of control are defined by someone else’s signature.)
You’ll notice the parts in parentheses have a direct punch of personal ownership. When I tell myself, “I don’t have enough time,” it’s easy to blame my job, family, or social life. Those are all very real, but they are also choices I have made. It’s a gut-punch to think this way, but it’s necessary. It establishes ownership and gives you a level of control over your situation. It might require a difficult personal sacrifice, but the goal is to ensure you don’t become a voluntary prisoner to your own choices. That’s the first step toward actually changing them.
In The Excuse Index, I talk about how we run a "diagnostic" on our problems. When a problem is factually true, we stop looking for a solution. We treat the fact like a dead end instead of a doorway. We negotiate with ourselves until we’ve convinced our brain that because the obstacle is real, the goal is off the table and the mission is impossible.
-Cue the Mission Impossible movie music-
We take a fact and turn it into a permission slip to stay exactly where we are.
The Rules of the Game
Here is the thing I’ve learned after 20 years in the trenches: life is full of constraints. However, those are just rules of the game.
If you’re playing basketball and you hit the out-of-bounds line, you don't quit the sport and walk off, complaining that everything is unfair and stacked against you. You stay in bounds, turn around, look for an opening and keep playing.
An Excuse is when you use that line as a reason to go home.
When you negotiate with yourself, you’re looking for a way out. You’re looking for a reason to stay comfortable and do nothing. And nothing feels more comfortable than a "valid" reason for why you can't move. It’s the ultimate safe harbor. But the hidden cost for all of this is that negotiating with reality is exhausting. Think about how much mental energy you spend building a legal case for why something can’t be done. It’s even worse when you find a "venting partner" who agrees with you. That shared complaining doesn't ever solve the problem.
If you want to actually get where you're going, you have to stop labeling these facts as "reasons why I can't" and start labeling them as "conditions I have to work within."
A "reason why I can't" is a dead end. A "condition I work within" is just a part of the terrain, like a hill on a hiking trail. You don't argue with the hill (although I definitely did during high school soccer conditioning). You just change your pace and keep climbing. You stop asking "Why is this here?" and start asking "How do I move through this?"
Brutal Honesty = Significant Progress
This week, I want you to be brutally honest with yourself. Look at that one project or change you’ve been putting off and write down the "valid" reason why you haven't started. The next time you catch yourself making a perfectly logical point for why you can't move forward, run this diagnostic:
Isolate the Fact: Strip away the "I'm not good enough" drama. What is the actual, objective resource or skill you’re missing? Is it $500? Is it a specific certification? Is it four hours of uninterrupted time? Resist the urge to blame someone else. Brutal honesty is “brutal” for a reason.
Audit the Cost: In The Excuse Index, I talk about weighing the cost of starting against the value of the outcome. Is the "valid" hurdle you’re facing truly more expensive than the value of the goal? Progress will always require some level of personal sacrifice. You just have to decide if the trade is worth it.
Onward and Upward: Treat that reason as a checklist. If you aren't ready yet, that’s fine, but don't call it an "impossible mission." Now you have a list of exactly what you need to go out and get to increase your capacity.
Getting started is the most difficult thing to do with any goal of significance. Don't let a "valid" excuse turn a temporary difficulty into a permanent reason to quit.
The "One Move" Challenge
Don’t just read this and close the tab. Let’s actually put a dent in that "valid" reason you just wrote down. Pick that project you’re stalling on and find the smallest possible move you can make around your constraint.
If you don’t have the budget for the high-end software, start the framework in a spreadsheet or on a legal pad. As a gadget enthusiast myself, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve delayed a project because I was waiting until I had the "right" laptop or the newest gear. Don't fall for that.
If you don’t have the authority to overhaul the department, overhaul your own workflow. Create a better version of the world that you do have direct control over. If your new process is truly revolutionary, people will eventually notice and ask how you’re doing it. And if they don't? You’ve still made your own life better.
Stop waiting for the perfect conditions to start. Get moving now!
The Toolkit
The Full Playbook: If you want to dig deeper into the "Anatomy of Excuses" and the math behind the Cost of Starting, grab your copy of The Excuse Index.
The Future-Self Framework: Feeling like your dream is "too far away" to be achieved? Access my free Future-Self Framework for help mapping out your roadmap.
The Excuse Breaker on YouTube: If you’d rather watch than read, I break down these strategies visually on my channel. See the framework in action and get a look at the studio tools I use to stay on track.
Blog Archive: Looking for more motivation tactics? Read past articles from my blog, The Excuse Breaker.
